3rd trimester

3rd trimester… I can’t believe you’re here. In a lot of ways I’m shocked, but God is not. It was a part of Liam and our story all along. Most mamas would be thankful and excited for the last stretch preparing to bring their baby home. For me, I’m not ready. On my hard days all I think is I should be planning a nursery, but instead I’m planning a funeral. Why. Every day it feels like I find out something else to grieve.

On my stronger days I’m simply thankful for the days we’ve been given. There were weeks where every morning I would wake up in a panic wondering if my baby was still with us. I would hold my breath walking into the doctors office every week praying and begging for a heartbeat. Later I realized God had given us the strongest little warrior completely living up to his name. I was given a supernatural peace that fought against that anxiety. Liam has fought harder than he should have too to stay with me. But I know that is God giving us time to learn who our Liam is - our precious warrior. Every morning and late at night he “swims” across my tummy side to side letting me know he is there and he is okay. It is the most miraculous thing I have ever experienced in my life. I hold on to every moment, trying to capture, knowing it could be Liam’s last time to swim here.

We have tried so hard as a family to cherish these days and make the most of our time with Liam. We have had conversations with him about heaven. We have taken him on trips. We got him his first puppy. We have told him about Jesus and the other wonderful people in heaven that will be waiting on him. We ask for supernatural strength and comfort in these last weeks, as we feel worn out and so heavy. I want to be the best mama I can be to my baby boy. He deserves that and more after all he has taught me throughout this journey. I can now love harder, fight harder, pray harder. We love you so much our perfect one. You are one in a billion 🩵