words a parent should never have to hear
On February 14, the week of our gender reveal, I went into an OB appointment that I never thought would turn into a different reality. Something we so easily take for granted. The healthy baby that we had for 13 weeks suddenly diagnosed with a rare heartbreaking defect. My world turned upside down as I heard words that I didn’t even understand. Everything that mattered before like the gender suddenly didn’t and all I wanted was my sweet healthy baby in my arms when it was supposed to be. A season of joy turned instantly into our hardest.
“God, why me? I’m not strong enough for this. This isn’t fair. I can’t handle this. All I’ve wanted was to be a mom. We’ve already had our rough season, was that not enough? I had 2 surgeries to get to this. This was supposed to be our miracle.” These were just some of the thoughts initially racing through my mind. Faith tested like never before.
A week later we had an appointment with the maternal fetal specialist. Those 7 days we prayed harder than ever. Every night I went to sleep reciting isaiah 41:10 over and over in my head. He is strong when I am not. He’ll get us through this. We went in with hopeful hearts ready for battle again. Although this time, I had lost hope. My world turned upside down again as the only words I heard were “even with a miracle, your baby will make it 3 days outside the womb at most”. Words a parent should never have to hear.
To be honest, it hurts to share. My heart is shattered and it couldn’t feel heavier. I want it all to go away. There’s so much I still don’t understand. But in a world of what seems like only healthy pregnancies and babies, I share for those that hurt too. Whether you’re waiting on your miracle baby, have lost a baby, or are praying so hard for your baby to be healthy, I hurt with you and God hears your pain from heaven too. He has gone before us and I know beautiful things are coming our way. I have never felt him so near as I have in these weeks. The hurt is overwhelming, but the love and prayers shown have been just as overwhelming. I couldn’t do this without our village. And my wonderful husband who has lead me, held me, and comforted our little family more than ever. He is my rock and best friend. God knew I needed him by my side in this life.
We don’t know how much time we have left with our sweet baby, but God blessed us with this miracle to love this side of heaven for however long time allows. We pray that joy and sadness can coexist during these days as a family. This baby has molded me into a mama in different ways than I could have ever imagined before. I love this little life inside me more than anything. Every day I have to fight to believe that God loves and cares for this life more than I do. And that itself is a gift. “Once in a while children come into the world so special that the angels need these precious ones to sing in heaven and light up the world from above.” We are believing that our baby is just too special for this side of heaven.
If you feel lead, please pray for our baby and us. These are our prayer requests currently.
Pray.
Pray that this baby endures no pain
Pray for our days with this baby. That we can experience joy in the midst of sadness too.
Pray for every doctor and nurse that we will see….That we feel comfortable and cared for by each. For their words.
Pray that we continue to feel the Lord near
Pray that we would feel comfort and peace as we are in the waiting stage
Pray for our families
Pray for our hearts and minds
Pray that God takes our angel in his perfect timing
Pray that my body continues to be healthy for both of us
Pray for our sweet baby. That he or she knows how loved, cared for, and designed perfectly in his image they are.
