leap of faith
How have you been healing and grieving? Well, here ya go. This is what some of my time has consisted of. This took a lot of courage and prayer, but I’ve decided to put my heart out there. I have hope that it can bring healing for me and community to others. During my pregnancy when I felt like I couldn’t go in public or speak, I would just start to write. Most of the time I couldn’t hold a normal conversation. And now, it’s even harder for me. I know one day I will regain the strength for all kinds of conversation. Writing was and is the best way for me to process every emotion. Anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, confusion, joy, guilt…you name it. I just write through a sea of tears because that’s easier for me than trying to talk. I’ve never considered myself a private person, but before Liam, I definitely did not share every detail with the world. The only thing greater than my pain and heartache is desperately wanting my baby to be known. Isn’t that what every mama wants? For their baby to be known and loved? To be remembered? Before I left Liam at the hospital, I promised to live a life that would make him proud, to carry his legacy the best I could. His life and story could only be written by the greatest author I know, Jesus. Because of him, I can see God’s hand so clearly since I was even born. I look back and can see seeds that were planted years ago that would prepare me for the hardest and worst heartache I would ever experience. I keep saying to my family “this awful pain has to be for something.” My prayer is that my journaling can help at least one person and that Liam‘s story will bring hope, encouragement, and strength to you in whatever battle you are facing. No one said being a Christian was easy, but remaining strong and having faith is worth it. I promise. I cannot imagine living on this earth without the hope of heaven. The pain would all be for nothing.
The world constantly throws highlight reels, pretty pictures, and happy announcements at us way too much. I do not want to add to that and cause heartache for someone else. The world needs to be shown the hard and life when it’s at its lowest... because it could make all the difference for someone. It sure did for me months ago when I felt like I was the only one who didn’t have a healthy pregnancy.
I am so protective over my Liam, but it seems selfish to keep his wonderful and meaningful life to myself. Putting my own heart out there is scary, but I hope I can be as real and honest as I can. I also want to show the joy in the midst of the sorrow. Thankfully, I know and believe wholeheartedly that they can co-exist. Jesus and Liam have shown me that it is possible. So here’s to a big leap of faith and hoping that I’m not just reading to myself.
I will be sharing Liam’s birth story and celebration of life in the coming days. We are praying hard over the words and photos that will be shared. We ask that you kindly not comment or question negatively. We did what Jesus and our bible believing doctors thought were best for Liam and me. Keith and I prayed hard for every detail. His birth story is nothing short of a miracle. Heaven and Earth collided on July 1st, 2023 and I can’t wait to share with you.